Leaving a toxic relationship is one of the hardest and most courageous steps someone can take. If you’ve ever been trapped in an unhealthy relationship, you know how deeply it can impact your mind, body, and spirit. For me, stepping out of my toxic relationship was more than just a life change—it was the beginning of saving my life.
Recognizing the Signs
For a long time, I didn’t realize I was in a toxic relationship. I excused their behavior and justified the abuse, blaming myself for any argument or issue. Little by little, the person I once admired became someone who controlled my every move. It started subtly, with minor criticisms that grew into verbal assaults and manipulation, until I was walking on eggshells every day.
Eventually, I saw that what I was experiencing was a form of gender-based violence (GBV)—a pattern of behavior where one person seeks to control, demean, or harm another, often exploiting societal or gender-based dynamics. GBV takes many forms, from physical and emotional abuse to financial manipulation and coercive control, all of which aim to strip away an individual’s self-worth and independence. As I came to understand that my relationship fell into this category, I realized that I needed to get out for the sake of my safety and sanity.
Taking the First Steps
Breaking free was not a single decision but a series of small, intentional choices. First, I confided in trusted friends and family, who helped me realize that I deserved a life free from fear and control. The stigma surrounding abusive relationships had once kept me silent, but talking to others opened my eyes to just how common my experience was.
The next step was to seek out professional help. I reached out to a local support center for individuals dealing with GBV. This gave me a safe space to share my story, receive guidance, and find the tools to regain control over my life. Having this support reminded me that I was not alone, that others had successfully walked this road before me, and that I could make it out too.
Building a Plan and Setting Boundaries
Leaving a toxic relationship is a process, not an event. Together close friends and family, I created a plan to safely distance myself from my partner. I had to make practical arrangements to secure my finances, find a safe place to stay, and set boundaries that would protect me emotionally and physically. The process was often overwhelming, but each step helped me reclaim a bit more of my power.
Setting boundaries felt difficult at first because I was so used to having them ignored. But learning to say “no” and stand firm in my decisions was a huge part of my healing. I began to see that my needs and feelings were valid and that I deserved respect. Establishing these boundaries marked the start of my journey toward self-worth and self-compassion.
The Healing Journey
Once I was finally out, I realized that the hardest part was yet to come: healing. Breaking free from abuse left me with scars—emotional and psychological wounds that would take time and patience to heal. I found that trauma therapy, journaling, and surrounding myself with supportive friends were powerful tools for moving forward.
Healing from a toxic relationship means unlearning the lies I had been told about myself and redefining who I am on my own terms. It took time, but gradually, I began to rebuild my confidence and rediscover the parts of myself that had been suppressed.
Rediscovering My Strength
Leaving my toxic relationship saved my life, but it also helped me rediscover my inner strength. If you are in a relationship where you feel unsafe, unheard, or unworthy, know that there is a way out. Gender-based violence is a cycle, but it is one that can be broken with courage, support, and perseverance.
Every day, I remind myself that I am worthy of love, respect, and happiness, and that my experiences have shaped me into a stronger, more resilient person. There is life after abuse—a life of freedom, peace, and self-love.
Author – Mercy Zimba